1 Liners!
Here’s a set I ran in Pro-Am Comedy live, for your amusement. Please keep in mind that ALL of my work is copyrighted and I, Mary Taylor Bunker, reserve all rights to my work. You may not copy or download my work for your friends or for any other reason. You MAY share the link to my website to allow others to visit on their own. Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated! Thank you!
The following was posted in Twitter under @MamaBee4 when my show was called “Twitter Comedy Sunday”, just prior to changing the show’s name over to “Pro-Am Comedy LIVE!”
Do you like these? You can find more of my jokes from Pro-Am Comedy LIVE!
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Sunshine, blue skies, full moon… Pull up your pants dear! Welcome to my world!
Hubby don’t know how to take a joke. I gave him a blow up doll for his birthday. Now he’s divorcing me and marrying her!
I don’t know how he does it. I told him to go flush himself, so now my dumb cousin is now stuck in the toilet bowl.
I told my dumb cousin that he’d never pass an IQ test. He said, “Look here! I got an 95!” I told him, “You got it backwards, it says 59!”
My dumb cousin wants to drive in NASCAR. He said he’s been practicing all week…. using Hotwheels cars.
I got into an arguement with my dumb cousin. He said he’s gonna prove that he can walk to Europe. I’m gonna miss him!
I don’t know where he gets these ideas, but my dumb cousin thinks he can piss farther than Grandma. Yup, Grandma won… again!
It takes pure genius to come up with some of the things my dumb cousin tries. Don’t worry NASA. His rocket didn’t go far w/him on it.
My cup overruns with pride, because my 40 year old cousin said he’s going back to school. He’s entering kindergarten in the Fall.
Men, if you wanna get your way with your woman, then you need to learn what to say. It begins with, “Yes, I’ll buy that for you!”
I don’t know how he does it. Hubby says he goes fishing & never catches any. It’s a miracle! He went fishing & caught a can of beer?
Hubby is trying to dig up our septic. Hubby, I don’t think you should….!! ….. He’s not sleepin’ with me tonight!
Women, he’s not deaf, he’s just trying to figure out why his bag keeps itchin’! Oh dear, please don’t…. he’s scratchin’ it again!
My hubby should know better. He told me to “shove it!” The doctor was able to remove the broom handle. He’s still walkin’ funny.
Yes, marriage takes a lot of give and take… I make sure to allow just enough “give” in the chain so that hubby can get comfy.
My hubby said he’d rather have pink hair than to go shopping with me. He screamed at the mirror this morning. Geez! Drama queen! ;o)
Hubby thinks it doesn’t matter how laundry should be sorted. He’s wearing pink to the office today. It matches his hair!
That’s it! I quit! I entered a beauty contest. Not only did I lose, but was beat out by a drag queen! Yeah, he had chest hair & a beard!
I asked hubby if I had beautiful legs. He said, “Yes dear! You have enough leg there for three women.” He’s healing nicely.
It takes a lot of work to stay married. He works and I stay.
Single people say married people are lucky because of all the free sex. Well, it would be nice… If I was awake.
My hubby’s thrilled. He just got voted the most likely to divorce.
My dumb cousin saw my hubby’s drawers. He was thrilled, “Awesome racing stripes, dude! Can I have a pair of those?!” “Which color?”
Sometimes, I don’t even know why I try. More racing stripes in hubby’s drawers. Should I sort them by color dear?
I went to the beautician to see what she could do about my hair. She slid a bag over my head and drew a face on it.
I told my hubby that I need a full body lift because of all the weight loss, so he took me for a ride in an elevator….. (cont.)
We got to the top floor and he turned to me and commented… Maybe we need a taller building?
I told my hubby that I needed a face lift, but we can’t afford it, so he duct taped the skin on my face to haul it tight. What a bargain.
I shoved a pad down the ass of my hubby’s pants. He yelled, “What in the hell did you do that for?”… I replied, “It’s a fart muffler!”
People say there’s no losers in marriage & raising kids. Then can someone tell me how I lost my mind?
Author: Mary Taylor Bunker
@MamaBee4 & @MamaBeeComedy in Twitter
Copyright 2009©Mary Taylor Bunker
All rights reserved.
